Monday, August 25, 2014

Thou Shalt Not Judge the Pregnant Woman

My friend, Erica Heinsman, has some things to say to those who judge pregnant ladies. She's wicked funny and smart, so follow her blog at Follow her on twitter, @imtotllyfakngit, and Facebook, BTW, I have a total Mom Crush on her.

Thou Shalt Not Judge the Pregnant Woman
by Erica Heinsman

If you have ever been pregnant, I am pretty confident you have had to face a collection of boundary crossing comments and many uninvited belly rubs. I once had a “distant” family member walk up to me and touch my stomach. I was only 12 weeks pregnant, not showing yet and the belly she just had to rub was more food baby than actual baby.  So yeah, I’ve been there.
You don’t realize that your decision to create a life apparently also gives permissions to family, friends and oddly enough, the general public, to comment on everything you do for the next 40 weeks.  
Below are my top 5 judgements on pregnant women; read, reflect and remember to keep your future thoughts to yourself, because she is growing her own person. When you’re the one growing your own person, you can do what you want.
The list of foods pregnant women should not eat is longer than the terms of service for Facebook.  Let me ask you, how many women do you know that got listeria from eating a turkey sandwich from Potbelly? What’s that? You don’t know any? Well then I highly recommended you sit back and let your friend enjoy her extra meat, double cheese roast beef sandwich.
And cheese! I get it, unpasteurized dairy products are scary. But guess what, in order to be sold in the US, it needs to be pasteurized. Unless she is buying her brie on the black market, its going to be okay.
I read an article that said no coffee or other caffeinated drinks (or food, shocker) because it was a stimulant and a diuretic. Now, I don’t know if you know this, but when you’re pregnant you are stupid tired and can get constipated. Coffee helps give you energy and poop? Um, yes please!  Plus, she has basically sacrificed the ability to enjoy every social activity she used to, and now someone says to take away coffee? Please give a preggo a break; of all the no-no’s of pregnancy is a grande mocha cappuccino really that bad?
This one is a toughy, because, well no, pregnant ladies shouldn’t be racking up their bar tab with Fireball shots (mozzarella sticks yes, fireball no).  BUT it is okay to have a glass of wine once in a while, or even, GASP! a beer.  Even if you do see a woman going round for round with her husband it’s best to mind your business, she’s may just be fat.
I’m not sure why a pregnant woman’s body is fair game to comment on. Seriously, I was asked “are you having twins” more times than I can recall without losing my mind. Or being asked if I was “about to pop” when I was only 6 months pregnant.  I really think someone is telling people that pregnant bellies are supposed to look like someone hid a basketball under their shirt.  
Or, how about “you’re so tiny”. I get that our society thinks telling a woman how small she is is seen as a compliment, but maybe that pregnant lady had a hard time keeping her meals down for the last howevermany weeks. Or maybe she is having complications and her baby isn’t growing that well. Do yourself a favor and refrain from any body centric comments, because chances are she will have a few choice words about YOUR body in return.
Birth Plan
A women says she plans to have a natural birth, and do you know what the most common response is? “Don’t be a hero, get the epidural”.  Why the eff do you care?  Does it make you feel better because you needed one?  On the flip side, what about a woman that wants an epidural? Well the local farmers market comes to her house and throws all their pesticide free tomatoes at her.  I’m pretty sure its her body, so it’s her choice how she plans to expel a human being from it...except if you are having a planned cesarean for a reason that is not medically necessary, then I throw the judgement out like a champion; you’re a fool to choose to have your body cut open for the sake of convenience.
See, I can’t even make it through my own post about judging without judging.  But it’s my post, so I can do what I want.